All Day, No Play

My cool roommate came home the other day with a huge smile on his face. He walks in the door and throws this bag on the table telling me that I need to check this shit out. He pulls out what at first thought was the coffee grinder that we already had, then I looked a little closer. It was a brand new vaporizer equipped with lights all over it to entertain our stoner brains! His excitement got me excited and my marijuana glands began to get excited at the thought. Immediately afterwards I was informed that we smoked all of our herbs the night before. Naturally, we make some phone calls. About 6 hours later, still no luck. So we get a great new smoking device that we can’t even use all day because we randomly find ourselves in a dry spell (which never happens in the city). How goddamn Class6 is that?

McLovin: Photo Credit

Unwanted Vibrations

Yeah, kinda like that.

There are so many kinds of farts out there that we can’t categorize them all. The other day we were sitting around smoking, drinking, and doing other sorts of dumbfuckery when I had to fart. Naturally, I did not hesitate and let it go immediately. There was some serious thrust going on with this fart and I seriously elevated off the floor a little bit letting it go. My cool roommate sitting across the room in a chair suddenly had a disturbed look take over his face as he said in a fearful tone, “I felt the vibrations from your fart in my testicles.” Now I know that a guys balls can be sensitive, but I did not know that they could be used to detect farts from across the room. So now I wonder, what other things can our testicles pick up on out in the world? Also, should I be worried about having such powerful farts?

Heavy Vibrations: Photo Credit

Talented Drunks

I got so shit faced last night.

Sometimes you are just really good at doing things drunk. Especially at things you can’t/wont do sober. I had another case of this last night. I woke up this morning to a delightful phone call from a friend, but after I realized that it wasn’t 9:07am (was more like 3:28pm), I threw my ass out of bed. That’s when my shin was kind enough to tell me that I had apparently thrown my chair down on the floor. After I hopped to the bathroom to have my morning piss (those ones that feel like mini orgasms), I came back to realize that I had put a trash bag in one of my trash cans. I never do that. I don’t really see the point. But apparently I was so drunk that I thought it would be a great idea to put bags in all my trash cans. So now for the next week I’ll get to reap the benefits of alcohol by throwing away trash into a bag in a can. In addition to that I found my N64 game collection well organized and the house as a whole was pretty clean compared to the way that I though I left things the night before. Who said drinking doesn’t help you in life?

Team America: Ruining A Buzz On The Global Level

Buzzkill, thy name is  H.R. 313, the “Drug Trafficking Safe Harbor Elimination Act of 2011.”

Remember the prohibition? That worked out didn't it?

For many years I have asked myself, why do we as Americans continue to allow America to fight this fruitless “war” on drugs. Millions of tax payers money is used so that the D.E.A. can stop the illegal trafficking and use of drugs. By definition that doesn’t sound so bad, as an individual who one day plans to start a family (how else will I create my small army?) I can agree with the sentiment that I don’t want my children surrounded by dangerous drugs and the environment that harbors them. Unfortunately, much of the D.E.A.’s time and resources are spent prosecuting small time offenders and users of drugs that should be decriminalized.

Are Drugs Really Bad?

Now what did you learn today children?

We have all been told before on countless occasions that drugs are bad mmmkay! You can’t make it through middle school anymore without thinking that drugs have got to be the coolest things on the planet. Sure, you have the handful of kids that telling all of those lies and trying to scare the living piss out of them about drugs actually worked on, but c’mon!

The View From The Beach

In addition to the story about a better view, a few nights later we were out on the beach drinking again as usual. We we were hanging out with some redneck southerners and a few hicks from the back hills of West Virgina, when I noticed there was an older woman who had joined our crowd and was talking with some of the 16-17 year old guys. Now, I love me some older women, so naturally I approached the situation with a bottle of optimism. Within seconds of me approaching these guys a few feet away, this older woman comes up to me and starts flirting. About two minutes into this ridiculous conversation, this woman starts talking to me about how pissed she was that she had gotten arrested the other night. That’s when it hit me. This was the same crazy bitch that was just trying to sleep with her kids and speak in mixed tongues of Arabic and gibberish. Then I started looking around, out of the 20 or so people who were out on the beach with us that night, only 5 of us were over the age of 19. This brought to mind the question of what exactly did this woman mean the night before when she said that she was just trying to sleep with her “children”?

It’s Only Racist If…

So the other day after class I was offered to go blaze a jay down by the river front with this girl from my class. She is a cool cat so naturally I was like, uh…duh! So we head out from our building and walk over a few blocks to the river walk. As we were heading down the stairs toward the water, she noticed that there were 3 black guys sitting where she normally smokes at.

I looked over to her and said “it’s cool, we can just blaze over there” as I pointed to a more secluded location not to far from there.

She responds by saying “Oh no, it’ll be ok. Those guys are black, they’ll be cool if we smoke by them.”

With a confused funny look on my face I looked back at her and said “Wow, Meagan, you little Mexican racist. Just because they are black doesn’t mean they are down with the ganja!”

She shrugs her shoulders and says “whatever.”

So we go down to the location that I pointed out, rolled up a nice little fatty, and then we sparked that shit. About half way through blazing this thing down, Meagan (while smoking the jay) walks over toward where she originally wanted to chief even though those three guys were still there. So, with my I-don’t-really-give-a-fuck attitude, I naturally followed her over there and we kept blazing. After about 30 seconds of us standing by these kids (about 10 feet away), one of them looks at his two buddies and says in a nerdy tone “Those guys are smoking marijuana, we better get out of here, that stuff is illegal!”

I instantly looked over at my friend and started rolling with laughter. It’s only racist if you’re wrong, otherwise you are just simply right.