Team America: Ruining A Buzz On The Global Level

Buzzkill, thy name is  H.R. 313, the “Drug Trafficking Safe Harbor Elimination Act of 2011.”

Uncle Sam you are a victim of the war on drugs

Remember the prohibition? That worked out didn't it?

For many years I have asked myself, why do we as Americans continue to allow America to fight this fruitless “war” on drugs. Millions of tax payers money is used so that the D.E.A. can stop the illegal trafficking and use of drugs. By definition that doesn’t sound so bad, as an individual who one day plans to start a family (how else will I create my small army?) I can agree with the sentiment that I don’t want my children surrounded by dangerous drugs and the environment that harbors them. Unfortunately, much of the D.E.A.’s time and resources are spent prosecuting small time offenders and users of drugs that should be decriminalized.

My thoughts on Marijuana reflect the thoughts of my generation, it’s less harmful then beer, cigarettes, and many prescription drugs, yet it remains illegal. Let’s be real folks how many of you have encountered a stoner? They are harmless! Habitual pot smokers are more likely to spend their  time eating copious amounts of breakfast cereal and playing Call of Duty then they are to be out on the streets spreading the seeds of social corruption. To be honest I wished more people would smoke pot. The douchebag that cuts you off on the highway, the middle aged woman who bitches for an hour in line at the grocery store, or your typical “bro” would be soooo much more bearable if they were stoned (they certainly are more tolerable when I am stoned, a fact proven countless times). But I don’t run this country so I don’t get to make the rules, yet.

Stoner stats demotivational poster

Despite these unjust laws in the U.S., would be stoners have could always fund solace in the idea that one day they could elope to a less regulated place to dwell, such as Amsterdam, and smoke to their hearts content. Well, if this bill passes, that will be a thing of the past. That is right folks, American is taking one step closer to having our very own thought police. The passing of this bill would allow the D.E.A. to arrest people on charges of conspiracy if they are caught deliberately planning to travel out of the country with the intent to use illegal drugs. A bride to be planning a wedding in Amsterdam so that her reception can have both alcohol and Marijuana: CRIMINAL! A retired state senator planning a vacation to another country and planning to smoke: CRIMINAL! But most importantly, a doctor conducting experiments with the THC in marijuana (despite his reasons): CRIMINAL.

Minority Report Precognition Ball

Let's print a random name from these people's dreams onto this ball, then we will prosecute them.

What right does the government have to prosecute us for a crime we have not committed? The passing of this law would bring us ever-nearer to a Police State where the very act of thinking outside the law would cause us to come in conflict with society. Firstly I disagree that government should have the ability to tell us what we can and can not consume with our bodies. Secondly, I believe that Marijuana should be legalized, and doing so would bring a stream of revenue that would help offset the money lost to the war on drugs. Third and most importantly, I believe that all crimes must contain the guilty act, that thought alone isn’t enough to convict someone. If thought alone were reason for imprisonment, cells would be filled by angry preteens who angrily disclaimed “I could kill that person.” Seriously though, I would bet that every person on a daily basis comments or contemplate doing something illegal, its human nature. Hell the act of contemplation is usually what reveals to us that we don’t want to commit a crime.

Now folks, chances are that this bill will never pass. Everyday that my generation gets closer to taking power, the closer we get to the legalization of harmless drugs (so that attention can be placed on serious drugs, and going to strip clubs). Furthermore, this bill was most likely proposed by a politician seeking to find favor among voters of his district so that his chances are better come election time. This bill is just a symptom of a larger political infrastructural issue that we will be forced to fix when us twenty somethings come into office. But for now my question is, what the hell is congress thinking?

-Red

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