Rape and Pillage Our Women!

How to be a hipster

You look like a combination of 8 people that I know all at once.

So, that new roommate that we got, we finally got her to wake up the other night to take her out to a friend’s party. After I raped face at beer pong and every other drinking game they could come up with that I changed the rules to, me and the original cool roommate went home in victory. We left that chick there because we just genuinely don’t give a shit. The next day we wake up in the morning and I open her door to yell at what I thought was an empty room saying “Did you get raped and pillaged last night?” To my surprise I heard a “yes” come from the room and then I actually looked in the door to notice a hipster that my cool roommate said looked like 8 people he knew all at once in bed with the hibernating chick that we call our roommate. Weird. Then we made her make us breakfast and clean the house as we made fun of her for the rest of the day, she has been sleeping for days since then.

Hipster: Photo Credit


Unwanted Vibrations

Heavy Vibrations from using a jack hammer

Yeah, kinda like that.

There are so many kinds of farts out there that we can’t categorize them all. The other day we were sitting around smoking, drinking, and doing other sorts of dumbfuckery when I had to fart. Naturally, I did not hesitate and let it go immediately. There was some serious thrust going on with this fart and I seriously elevated off the floor a little bit letting it go. My cool roommate sitting across the room in a chair suddenly had a disturbed look take over his face as he said in a fearful tone, “I felt the vibrations from your fart in my testicles.” Now I know that a guys balls can be sensitive, but I did not know that they could be used to detect farts from across the room. So now I wonder, what other things can our testicles pick up on out in the world? Also, should I be worried about having such powerful farts?

Heavy Vibrations: Photo Credit

Ledge lined with craft beer bottles

Talented Drunks

I got so shit faced last night.
Chair fallen over on the floor
Sometimes you are just really good at doing things drunk. Especially at things you can’t/wont do sober. I had another case of this last night. I woke up this morning to a delightful phone call from a friend, but after I realized that it wasn’t 9:07am (was more like 3:28pm), I threw my ass out of bed. That’s when my shin was kind enough to tell me that I had apparently thrown my chair down on the floor. After I hopped to the bathroom to have my morning piss (those ones that feel like mini orgasms), I came back to realize that I had put a trash bag in one of my trash cans. I never do that. I don’t really see the point. But apparently I was so drunk that I thought it would be a great idea to put bags in all my trash cans. So now for the next week I’ll get to reap the benefits of alcohol by throwing away trash into a bag in a can. In addition to that I found my N64 game collection well organized and the house as a whole was pretty clean compared to the way that I though I left things the night before. Who said drinking doesn’t help you in life?

Bagged and proper trash can